Hello fellow passangers on this life journey, this is a guest blog by lovely Francesca Gordon-Smith who shares her thoughts on why healing ourselves first is essential to Living in Your Greatness. It is something that resonates with me, a journey I had to take, and it is what I too teach all of my clients who wish to break free from the corporate world and become entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, etc. I trust you will enjoy as much as I did, here it goes….
The relationships we have with others really do determine the quality of our lives. Imagine for a moment someone just like you; she has a big argument over nothing with her partner just before leaving for work. She gets to work and the same thing happens again; she has a disagreement with a colleague and finds herself in an awful mood; she experiences negative repeated thoughts, such as “They are so disrespectful”, “They are so wrong”. She considers breaking up with her partner and leaving her job; it is all just too unbearable.
What if I were to say that it doesn’t have to be like this? I know it may sound easy for me to say this, as I don’t know your partner, your colleagues, your friends or your boss, but I do know hundreds of people who have experienced the same patterns on a weekly basis.
Here is the ANSWER:
- Each person who challenges you is giving you a wonderful gift. In Neuro Linguistic Programming we say ‘If you spot it, you’ve got it’. That is to say that if you had never experienced this behaviour, you would not recognise it in others. So, they are quite literally acting like a mirror. They are showing you a part of yourself that you do not like- when other people exhibit our negative traits it is unbearable. If you choose to see it in this way, they can serve as a reminder of how not to behave.
- Before you think about telling them all of this; stop! You cannot change others, you can only change yourself. We all like to be right; it runs so deep that if someone tries to tell you otherwise, as a reflex you will feel even more strongly that you ARE right. Knowing this, I ask you to remember that ‘being right’ will not necessarily make you happy. You see, often, in their own way, both parties are right. Remember the saying ‘It’s true if it’s true for you’.
- When you respond with balanced emotions, you take all the fire out of the situation. Just as conflict breeds conflict, so too does balance attract more balance. People also respond to your expectations. If you anticipate an angry response, you will find yourself preparing to receive one; the energy that you send out may even incite the response you receive. You can then either repeat your mantra of ‘see, I was right’ and repeat this pattern, or you can choose to let go of all expectations and show up in a state of balance.
- Coming back to this point about not being able to change others; it is not strictly true; you cannot change them by force, but you can lead by example. By taking this approach, you may well inspire them to change. This might even happen without them realising.
It is by changing your behaviour in these ways that you will incite change. By behaving in a peaceful manner, you will inspire others to do the same. After all it is near impossible to maintain anger when someone responds with genuine love. If everyone were to do this, peace would be the predominant state in our society. When you act from a space of ‘fear’, you perpetuate that self-same energy in your relationships, when you act from a space of ‘love’, you neutralise the negativity and inspire others to behave with more love and compassion.
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Love and Wisdom